I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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