I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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