remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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