# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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