my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
