well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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