What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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