He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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