I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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