yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
