I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Boobs speak an international language.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
