idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
