I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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