Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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