I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
