Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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