You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
