A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
