woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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