i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
