I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
