At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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