I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Pooping to opera.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
