The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize