just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
