just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay