Have you finally orgasmed yet?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices