hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.