Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude