Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.