We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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