I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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