it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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