Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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