i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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