I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
