I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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