How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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