You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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