i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
