I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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