At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
