U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
