I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
