No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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