Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
