You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
