went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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