Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
