Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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