see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
