Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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