You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
