sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
