Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
