Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
