I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
