I cockslap morals
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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