Is it normal to miss your booty call?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
