if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
