i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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