I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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