Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
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Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something