if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well