Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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