i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dating After Heartbreak
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.