Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
