She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
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I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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