Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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