I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
