But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
